Thursday, 24 May 2018

Keys to Success from a Completely Un^Successful Person TOUR




Satire, Humor, Self-Help
Date Published: 12-15-17

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Dear Reader,

Knowledge, success, hope--this book will provide you with none of these things.

For those who are curious to check out the contents and "guidance" provided in this book, I would like to offer a brief, but important warning before you embark on your treacherous journey. I am this book's editor. I have thoroughly handled, absorbed, and regurgitated the contents of this book over and over again, and while most of the content in this "self-help" book is, in my professional opinion, completely ridiculous and easily recognized as such, I fear that some of you who read this book may sadly find yourselves duped by Joel's terrible advice.

Speaking modestly, Keys to Success from a Completely Unsuccessful Person represents is a collection of thoughts, ideas, and errant opinions from the delusional mind of a self-proclaimed self-help guru. Somehow, Joel has miraculously and single-handedly compiled more nonsense, utter gibberish, and complete lunacy into one book than any other author in all of human history that I am presently aware of.

Again, while I do believe that the majority of readers will find themselves deeply amused at the sheer idiocy in this anthology of stupidity, I fear that some poor souls may just get sucked into the author's delusions. For that reason, I have provided this warning to please disregard Joel's terrible advice. For most readers, I expect and hope that they will be amused by the book's clear guidance on how not to find success and find humor in what the book attempts to instruct them to do.

Perhaps most importantly, I believe that although my hand was forced to publish this book of unrefined nonsense by Joel and my superiors, Joel will finally be exposed to the world for who he really is--a completely unsuccessful person.

Excerpt

Success is not an accident.
I mean, it can totally be an accident, if you’re born into a wealthy family or win the lottery or something then it can definitely be an accident, but actual standard everyday can’t-buy that- online success is something that most of people will need to
work towards.

And it is very rare in this world, this success thing, to see someone with the fortitude, the aptitude, the cajones if you will, to be successful and continually being successful like me.
You see, success isn’t just the coming together of numerous serendipitous factors in some grand and awesome fashion. Success is a set of behaviors and a mindset that will allow you to truly become successful.

I will explain this further later, but for now, you may be wondering, what does success mean? I mean success could mean many things to many people in many places or situations. Is it
even definable??

Well success means freedom. It is the freedom to say or do whatever you want without concern. It means doing the things you don’t want to do when you want to do them. Success is the ability to have fun and travel to expensive locations on private jets and eat the best foods and drink the best drinks with all the famous
people. Success is receiving VIP treatment when you walk into a concert, or bar, or speakeasy, or some fun event and not having to wait in line with the rest of everyone less successful than you are.

B: Success is also choice. Would you like the grey Maserati or the blue one? Well why not both??

Lastly, success makes you feel awesome!

“Look at me and my two Maseratees! Aren’t I the cat’s pajamas?!”

Doesn’t all this sound like fun?

That’s because it is fun! And I know this because I’m successful, and I get to do fun stuff like this all the time in my successful life. And whether you know it or not, success is something that you can achieve as well and turn into a reality for yourself.

Thankfully, I’m your guide to awesomeness. I’m your mistress of joie de vivre. Your travel planner to the city of Successtown! In other words, in order to help get you there, I am here to help get you there. I am gonna show you the way to find your success and unlock what you really most likely have inside of
you already but just aren’t’ able to properly work out yourself!

About the Author


Born on the East Coast but raised in the Southwest, Joel Cunningham is co-founder of Parametric Studios in Scottsdale , Arizona., He has worked in marketing for the last fifteen years. He has acted in numerous commercial projects, produced and written for numerous TV and film projects, and is the current host of a film & television review podcast called The Reel Review Podcast. Keys to Success from a Completely Unsuccessful Person is his first book.



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Jum & Muz #Blitz


Jum & Muz: I Forget - a Caregivers View of Alzheimers


Memoir
Date Published:  July 2016
Publisher: Xlibris

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Jum & Muz is the story of the 20 years of the frustration and desolation of Alzheimers disease that the Mary Ellen Connelly's husband suffered. It chronicles the descent into oblivion. It explains how to cope, what they learned as a family in the hope it will help other families in dealing with Alzheimers.  The author explains the symptoms and the research that is now available. As the primary caregiver she explains her feelings, her attempts to deal with the onslaught and some of the things that worked and things that didn't work. Connelly explains the frustration of the refusal of the insurance companies and how she dealt with them.



About the Author


Mary Ellen Connelly grew up in Montana, attended local schools. She served 5 terms in the Montana House of Representatives on the Appropriations & Budget committee. She was appointed chair of the long-range planning sub-committee. She lives in California on the Calaveras River.



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COVER REVEAL of Four Day Fling

Welcome to the COVER REVEAL for 

Four Day Fling

Wednesday, 23 May 2018

Echoes of the Past #TOUR #Spotlight


Echoes of the Past (Fight the Good Fight, #1)


Military Sci Fi
Published Date: 5/10/2018

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A republic under attack. A reluctant soldier. An all-out fight for the galaxy’s soul.

David Cohen prays he’ll live to see the other side of his first deployment. His people thought they had left war behind when they fled Earth centuries ago. Time, though, has not dulled the hatred and intolerance of their erstwhile oppressors. To defend his homeland’s freedom, David abandons his dream of becoming a rabbi for the battlefield… and discovers a side of himself he is not sure he can live with.

David's focus is clear when the bullets are flying. In the long hours after, he must reckon with the toll that blood and blame bring upon his mind. Can he square the tenets of his faith against his responsibility to crew and country? Nothing has prepared him to make decisions that could cause ruin or an end to generations of conflict... except for trust in God, himself, and those who serve under him.

If David Cohen survives it all, who will he be?

Fight the Good Fight Excerpt –

Space tore itself open in Sector 17A and a wormhole appeared, a swirling mass of color and energy. The CSV Yitzhak Rabin emerged, its artificial tunnel through the stars closing within seconds of its passage. On the bridge of the destroyer, Sheila was the first to speak. “Transit complete, sir! Emerging from wormhole within five thousand kilometers of target.”
David took in the situation for a moment, looking above his chair at the CO’s display. Noting that all systems were nominal, he turned his attention to Ruth.
“TAO, report.”
Ruth’s eyes looked over her monitors. “Magnetic sensors snapping on, sir.” Blips appeared on the screens in front of her. “I’m detecting multiple League warships. Four Cobras, six Lancers; in addition, there are a number of transports that appear to be immobilized.” She did not bother reading out the Coalition ships present led by Dyson’s vessel, the CSV Dutiful—another Ajax class destroyer of an older vintage than the Rabin.
David nodded. Four Cobra class destroyers and six Lancer class frigates from the League weren’t bad odds for the Coalition force he had just joined. The Cobra was an older destroyer that the League deployed en masse; two of them alone were no match for the newest Ajax class destroyers, and Lancer class frigates were even less capable against newer Coalition technology. “TAO, what’s the closest enemy vessel to us?”
Ruth’s eyes never left her displays. “Two Lancers, designated Master One and Master Two; range, 30,000 kilometers.”
“Navigation, plot intercept course!”
Sheila announced from the navigation station, “Intercept course, aye, sir!”
“TAO, firing point procedures, neutron beams and magnetic cannons, target Master One and Master Two.”
Ruth called out from her station as she depressed various buttons on her console. “Aye, sir, firing solution set for Master One and Master Two.”
David sat back slightly in his chair. Fighting to keep his adrenaline in check, he checked his plot one more time. “TAO, shoot, all weapons.”
The Rabin’s engines fired brightly and the destroyer accelerated toward its targets. The two League Lancer-class frigates began to turn to face their new opponent. A full salvo of magnetic cannon projectiles erupted from the Rabin’s forward dorsal and ventral mag-cannon turrets and raced toward her opponents, followed by a burst from her neutron beam emitters. Hits sent ripples across the shielding of the targets. A bright flare came from the second Lancer, the barrage successfully battering down its shields.
“Conn, TAO! Contact Master One shields are now at thirty percent,” Ruth reported. “Master Two shields have failed!”
David acknowledged her statement with a slight nod. “Navigation, come about and present our forward arc to Master Two! TAO, firing point procedures, forward missile cell and magnetic cannons on Master Two!”
Ruth called back, “Firing solution set, sir!”
“TAO, shoot, all weapons!”
The Rabin turned sharply in space and brought her turreted mag-cannons to bear on her foe. Missiles shot from her forward missile cells, mounted both port and starboard along the
destroyer’s bow, and accelerated toward the League frigate. They were quickly followed by another salvo from her forward dorsal-mounted mag-cannons. Explosions ripped across the surface of the Lancer struck by the Rabin’s fury, blowing away the small vessel’s stern. Her lights dimmed and blinked out as she lost main power, turning her into a drifting derelict in space.
Ruth’s reaction was measured and professional. “Conn, TAO! Master Two disabled, sir.” Then she noticed something on her screen. “Master One coming about, sir!”
The other Lancer, having seen her sister’s destruction, came from above the Rabin and let loose with her own weapon’s complement —primarily missiles and plasma cannons— on the Rabin. The ship shook from the strain the barrage took on her shield generators and their protective moorings. Ruth stopped herself from gripping her board during the rocking. “Conn, TAO! Aft shields at sixty percent, aft point defense at eight-one percent effectiveness! Master One has taken up position directly behind us!”
David gave no outward reaction. The enemy had taken a risk with that maneuver, but trying to hide from his ship’s bow weaponry by moving along his stern would backfire for them. “TAO, firing point procedures, ready four anti-matter mines!”
Ruth’s reaction was nearly instantaneous as she armed the mines and prepared to launch. “Launch solution set, sir!”
David looked intently at his plot to be sure it was the right time to deploy. “TAO, shoot anti-matter mines!”
From the rear of the Rabin, the disc-shaped anti-matter charges dropped like depth charges of an old Earth wet navy. The helmsman on the doomed Lancer had been following too closely and was too slow in trying to avoid the mines. The first struck the Lancer’s forward shield and the resulting explosion caused the shield to fail for several seconds, leaving the other three mines to pass through unharmed to smack against the Lancer’s thin armored hull. Matter met anti-matter, and in a flash of radiation, they annihilated each other, producing a massive explosion of energy that ripped and melted through the Lancer. Each mine in succession provided a larger explosion until the third’s self-immolation claimed the Lancer’s primary missile magazine, detonating its own volatile projectiles. A process feared by all space crews began as the ship literally blew itself apart from the inside out. The resulting debris was no larger than one-foot chunks, and no escape pods were launched.

About the Author

Ever since watching Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back at the age of five, with his father, Daniel has loved science fiction. Reading hundreds of sci-fi novels, during his teenage years, Daniel came up with the EOTP (Echoes of the Past) universe. Twenty years later, its finally becoming a reality!

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Naval Maneuvers #Blitz


Naval Maneuvers


Erotic Romance
Date Published: March 9, 2018
Publisher: Black Velvet Seductions

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Men and women of the armed forces experience desire and love pretty much like everyone else. Except, well, there is that uniform. And the hard-to-resist attraction of "duty, honor, service" as a man might apply them to a woman's pleasure. All things considered, romance among the military is a pretty sexy, compelling force for which you'd better be armed, whether weighing anchor and moving forward into desire, dropping anchor and staying put for passion, or setting a course for renewed love with anchor home.


About the Author


A few years ago, Dee S. Knight began writing, making getting up in the morning fun. During the day, her characters killed people, fell in love, became drunk with power, or sober with responsibility. And they had sex, lots of sex. Writing was so much fun Dee decided to keep at it. That's how she spends her days. Her nights? Well, she's lucky that her dream man, childhood sweetheart, and long-time hubby are all the same guy, and nights are their secret. Dee loves writing erotic romance and sharing her stories with you. She hopes you enjoy!



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Roberts Rules #Blitz


Robert's Rules

by

Literary Fiction
North of the Tension Line, Book Three
Date Published:  May 23, 2018

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As the new Chairman of the Town Board, Fiona Campbell finds that life has become a series of petty squabbles, dull meetings, and papers everywhere, all complicated by her guardianship of the as yet unidentified screaming goat. In desperation, she hires an unknown newcomer, the compulsively orderly Oliver Robert, to run her office and keep her organized.

Roger’s fame as an idiosyncratic yoga practitioner continues to spread, and he and Elisabeth are looking for a new location to accommodate the growing crowds at their tiny coffee shop. Ferry Captain and poet Pali has an offer to leave the Island, and wonders whether it is time to introduce his son, Ben, to the larger world. Meanwhile, the Fire Chief is threatening to quit, and Fiona finds herself faced with an Island controversy and an unwanted set of new responsibilities.

As Pete Landry prepares to leave for one of his regular journeys, Fiona begins to suspect that his life may be more than it seems. His secrecy raises doubts in her mind about whether he can be trusted, and their breakup plunges her into grief.  The reliable Jim, always nearby, is all too ready to offer comfort.

Robert’s Rules is Book Three in the award-winning North of the Tension Line series, set on a remote island in the Great Lakes. Called a modern-day Jane Austen, author J.F. Riordan creates wry, engaging tales and vivid characters that celebrate the well-lived life of the ordinary man and woman.





Other Books in the North of the Tension Line Series:




North of the Tension Line
Published: May 2016

Fiona Campbell is a newcomer to tiny Ephraim, Wisconsin. Populated with artists and summer tourists, Ephraim has just enough going on to satisfy her city tastes. But she is fascinated and repelled by the furthest tip of Door County peninsula, Washington Island, utterly removed from the hubbub of modern life. Fiona's visits there leave her refreshed in spirit, but convinced that only lunatics and hermits could survive a winter in its frigid isolation.

In a moment of weakness, Fiona is goaded into accepting a dare that she cannot survive the winter on the island in a decrepit, old house. Armed with some very fine single malt scotch and a copy of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, Fiona sets out to win the dare, and discovers that small town life is not nearly as dull as she had foreseen. Abandoning the things she has always thought important, she encounters the vicious politics of small town life, a ruthless neighbor, persistent animals, a haunted ferry captain, and the peculiar spiritual renewal of life north of the tension line.






North of the Tension Line, Book Two
Release Date: May 23, 2018
Publisher: Beaufort Books



All is not well north of the tension line. A series of unsettling nighttime incidents have left the islanders uncertain whether to be nervous or annoyed. Are they victims of an elaborate teenage prank, or is there a malevolent stranger lurking on the island? Meanwhile, out-of-state owners of a new goat farm seem to consider themselves the self-proclaimed leaders of the island; Pali, the ferry captain, is troubled by his own unique version of writer’s block; and Ben, the captain’s ten year-old son, appears to be hiding something. But it is only when the imperturbable Lars Olafsen announces his retirement, and Stella declares her candidacy for office, that the islanders realize trouble is brewing. Fiona must decide whether it is time to leave the island for good, or to make another reckless gamble.

Book two in the award-winning North of the Tension Line series, The Audacity of Goats is the continuing tale of Fiona Campbell, and her reluctant adventures among the pleasures, mysteries, and exasperations of small town life







 Excerpt


Pete looked over at Fiona. “That stop sign…I’m sure it was only a suggestion.”

“Never mind,” said Fiona blithely. “There was no one around.”

“I’m here,” said Pete.

She glanced at him briefly and returned her eyes to the road.

Pete sighed pointedly, but continued the conversation.

“It’s never occurred to me that books should match,” he said.

“That’s because you read. Well, also probably because you’re male,” Fiona conceded. “But serious people. I mean, people who care about ideas, and about actually reading, don’t have matching books. If anything, their books are a haphazard reflection of the search for knowledge, reflecting the wanderings of a person’s curiosity. There’s nothing matching about that.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been to a house with matching books.”

“How about a house with just one set of encyclopedias and not one other book? Have you been to one of those?

“Encyclopedias? Who has encyclopedias anymore?”

“Well, you know what I mean.”

“You have thought a great deal about this.”

Fiona looked sheepish. “Yes. Because it’s a form of pretention, and I detest pretention.” She pulled into a parking space that had been more or less invented between the cedar trees and pulled on the brake, continuing the conversation without turning off the engine.

“It’s showing off that you have books, even while it’s clear that the books are only props. And, also,” she confessed, “it bothers me because their houses are so beautiful, and mine is full of haphazardly unmatching books.”

“And stacked everywhere, by the way. We need to get you some more bookcases. But if it’s clear that the books are props,” he said, returning to the main point, “isn’t it also clear that the person doesn’t actually read them? In which case, I would argue that it’s not pretension, it’s actually the opposite: no pretense whatsoever, just, perhaps, shallowness. Now, if an unserious person were to have lots of unmatching books that he had never read and were trying to make people believe that he’s read them, that would be pretentious. So, you should shift the focus of your wrath to owners of never-read, unmatching books. Leave the poor matching people alone. They don’t know what they’re missing.”

Laughing, Fiona looked at him and shook her head. “Stop looking so pleased with yourself.”

“I am pleased, though. I have unmatching books, and I read them. Q.E.D. I feel smug.”

“If you were the kind of person who felt smug, I wouldn’t like you.”

Pete smiled. “I feel smug about that, too.”

Laughing and shaking her head, Fiona turned off the engine. They gathered their things from the trunk of the car and headed off toward the water and its rocky beach. “How would you even find the book you wanted if they were all wrapped in matching paper?” asked Pete, slinging the straps of the beach chair bags over his shoulder.

“Exactly,” said Fiona.



About the Author


J.F. Riordan was born in New Jersey and first moved to Michigan, then Wisconsin as a child. At the age of 14 she decided to become an opera singer, and was fortunate in the aftermath to have been able to sing. At 16, after two years of high school, she went to the University of New Mexico to study voice, continued her music studies in Chicago and Milwaukee, and ultimately became a professional singer. Homesick after years of travel, she came home to the Midwest, finished her college degree, and became certified to teach high school. She taught for three years in the inner city before taking a position as a program officer for a foundation. She lives in exile from Washington Island with her husband and two dogs. North of the Tension Line is her first novel.



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The Aviary #CoverReveal


The Aviary
Emily Shore
(The Aviary Series, #1)
Published by: Clean Teen Publishing
Publication date: March 5th 2019
Genres: Dystopian, Fantasy, Young Adult
I am nobody’s Swan.
Beauty is now a corporate commodity, bought and sold on city streets and displayed in elite Museums.
Sixteen-year-old Serenity has spent her entire life in hiding, to keep safe from this decadent world. Overnight, her parents disappear, and Serenity is kidnapped, sold at auction, and thrust into the Aviary—an illustrious Museum where girls are displayed as living art by day and at night, cater to the lascivious whims of men who bid on their exhibits. Serenity has much to learn about this enthralling but competitive world where girls go by names like Raven and Nightingale and will stop at nothing to become top Bird.
The enigmatic and deadly Aviary Director, Luc, soon idolizes Serenity’s purity and aims to turn her into his grandest exhibit of all time—The Swan. In no time, she becomes the most coveted exhibit in the Aviary’s history.
Soon, Serenity learns that Luc holds the key to finding, and freeing, her parents. To save them, she must learn to play the Swan to perfection to win Luc’s heart, earn his trust, and save her parents. She doesn’t count on the fact that she’ll develop feelings for Luc in the process. Now, she’ll have to face an impossible decision: escape The Aviary and lose her only chance at finding her parents; or become Luc’s Swan for good, and lose her identity forever.


Author Bio:
Emily Shore is a MN author with a B.A. in Creative Writing from Metro State University and was a grand prize winner of #PitchtoPublication, which led her to working with professionals in the publishing industry. Her anti-trafficking books Ruby in the Rough and Ruby in the Ruins are her first indie-published books with proceeds benefiting trafficking rescue organizations: Breaking Free and Women at Risk, International. This summer she will be debuting her first contemporary novel as well as re-releasing her paranormal series in the fall: Roseblood
Emily lives in Saint Paul with her husband and two little girls. In her free time, she enjoys connecting with rescue organizations and survivors of sex-trafficking, hearing their stories, and injecting their truths into her books for youth. She loves motivational speaking on the issue of sex-trafficking and is lining up more schools and libraries for the fall and winter, campaigning against sex-trafficking, baking, acrylic painting, interior decorating, and spending time with all the little girls in her life.
To learn more about Emily's work and the anti-trafficking movement, see her Facebook page where she regularly blogs: www.facebook.com/authoremilyshore and sign up for her newsletter through the Contact Me on her website: www.emilybethshore.com

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